


Four Years

by jupiter_james



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Gift Fic, M/M, Post-War, mShenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:05:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2837408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiter_james/pseuds/jupiter_james
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan and Shepard share their first Christmas together after the war.</p>
<p>
  <b>This is a Mass Effect Holiday Cheer gift for the wonderful <a href="http://tovaras.tumblr.com">Tovaras</a> on Tumblr!</b>
</p>
<p>Happy holidays, everyone! And Merry Christmas to you, Tovaras! You're so wonderful! I was so glad that I got you as my giftee!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Years

Four years. They'd been together for four years and never spent a proper Christmas together. Not that Shepard hadn't tried. Not that _Kaidan_ hadn't tried. They had. Had they ever. But wars had a funny way of making shore leave and holidays never match. They weren't compatible. A holiday was a celebration, after all, and none of them could celebrate while reapers were tearing down the galaxy, or Collectors were sucking up humanity, or Saren was on the loose. The first year, Shepard had watched the holiday pass with a pang of longing. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a lover over Christmas. And certainly not anyone like Kaidan. The biotic had come to his cabin well after the overnight shift had taken over and they'd marked the day with a toast of bad whiskey and talking about how they'd do nice things after the war was over. Always after the war was over. Everything was after the war was over. Sleeping in. Eating properly. Reading a book. Decorating a Christmas tree.

Kaidan had shook his head, pointing to the corner of Shepard's cabin near the armor locker. "Next year we should get a tree for that spot. Even if the war drags on."

Shepard had smiled. That was very much like Kaidan. _Even if._ It was a lot better than _after_. Shepard was the "after" guy and Kaidan was the "even if" guy. At first, Shepard had been a little jealous of the way the man thought; considered it to be positive thinking. Then he slowly came to realize that Kaidan so often said "even if" because he really was living every day as if it was their last. It was an admirable attitude, if depressing. He couldn't put anything off because they may not have tomorrow. Shepard stuck to "after," because it mentally guaranteed him a tomorrow.

The next year they hadn't been together. Shepard had been dead and Kaidan had been mourning him. And the year after that, Shepard had been alive and Kaidan had been distrustful. Which was fine. Shepard had barely trusted himself back then. And then no one was thinking about any holidays as Earth slowly burned under the reaper invasion. It hadn't been winter when they'd reached London to finish off the war, but Shepard had glanced up towards Big Ben and wondered if they did anything with the mammoth clock on Christmas like lighting it up specially or something like that. It was hard to imagine in its wrecked state, but Shepard vaguely thought he'd like to see it in the snow. Then again, he had no idea if it actually ever got cold enough in London for that sort of weather, anyway. He'd read somewhere that it did. And then he'd thought that he was being ridiculous thinking about holidays and Christmas lights and Big Ben when they were practically staring up the ass of a reaper. But the thoughts just came to him and he couldn't help them. Especially when he kissed Kaidan and told him that he loved him and suddenly began to mourn all of those "even ifs" that had never been allowed to happen. And Shepard thought, _after I survive_. And he tried desperately to believe it.

***

"Alenko, what have you done to my chair?" Shepard peered curiously over the bed at his old school wheelchair, eying the wheels and spokes. Since he'd destroyed the reapers, electronics were only slowly getting back to normal. But motorized wheelchairs had been about as far down the list as you could get. So he had to make do with the classics. He tilted his head towards Kaidan when the biotic entered the room so he could hear him properly. His eardrums had ruptured in the blast on the Citadel, as well as most of the things in his body, but he was hardly complaining. It was Christmas and he was home. Such as it was. There were cracks in the walls and the paint was peeling. The furniture still smelled a little charred. But his model ships had been salvaged and hung carefully on the wall by Kaidan. A mangy cat slinked around the balcony, sometimes wandering in when they had real food rather than the stale, freeze-dried rations they'd grown accustomed to.

Kaidan grinned at him. "Get in the chair and wheel around. Check it out. I rigged you up a good gift." He was comfortable enough to let Shepard move on his own, though Shepard could tell he desperately wanted to help. He shifted his feet and leaned slightly forward as if waiting to pounce the second Shepard overbalanced himself. Admittedly, the commander did that with fair regularity. Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest, tucking his hands under his arms to prevent himself from holding them out. His body language was worse than his poker face, but he was getting better about it as Shepard got better, so he let it slide.

Shepard thumped down into the chair a little bit too hard, but it was still a more graceful landing than last time, and he'd take all the victories he could get. Then he pushed his hands forward and multicolored lights flashed on the wheels. He laughed, a rusty sound in his scorched throat. "What the hell?"

Kaidan laughed too and it was nearly as disused as Shepard's dry chuckle. "I rigged them up in a pretty rustic way. The friction from the wheels makes them light up."

"Is _this_ why you came to bed so late last night?"

"It only took a few hours and we've got nothing to do today, anyway. I could take a few hours off of my sleep schedule. It was fun. Haven't messed around with anything like that in a long time."

"We need to get you some more hobbies," Shepard said, but the lights amused him. Festive and very much like something he should have expected out of Kaidan. He rolled out into the living room, blinking all the way. He paused right inside, Kaidan behind him, beaming. "Wow."

"The real reason I stayed up so late. What do you think?"

"I think I'm going to call you insane if you went out last night and gathered all of this greenery." Shepard wheeled further into the room, reveling in the smell of fresh pine covering up the smell of dust and bad air even this far out of the city.

Kaidan chuckled and ran his hands over Shepard's shoulders. "No. I had it delivered when you were passed out on your meds early. I wanted to surprise you. Give you at least some Christmas spirit like I promised."

Almost every available surface was covered in pine garlands tied with red ribbons just like in the story books. There was even a tree in the corner. No lights on it, but there were ornaments. Some of them looked handmade. Shepard approached the tree and picked one up in his hand. "Damn, Kaidan, you outdid yourself."

He turned and found Kaidan lounging on the sofa with a pleased smile on his face. "I'll be honest with you, Shepard. I thought about this a lot while you were... _recovering_. The crew stopped by a lot and we talked about rebuilding and what we could all do to make it easier on everyone. Celebrate birthdays and holidays and at least _try_ to make everything easier while the rebuilding efforts took root. I realize that you're probably the one with the most reasons to be less than okay mentally, but we all need some bright light in the hellhole Earth has become. Even if it's just for a few days I want an oasis from what's really out there."

Shepard hummed his agreement and hated the way that Kaidan sounded so desperate to justify ignoring the real world for a minute or two. But then again, Shepard couldn't ever convince the man that it wasn't their responsibility to take ownership of every last bad detail since he'd been so willing to die for it himself just months ago. "What day is it?" he asked. "When's Christmas?"

Kaidan's smile softened. "We need a calendar, don't we? It's Christmas Eve today." No clocks and no omni-tools. No extranet and no long range communications. Shepard only knew when the weekend came because those were the days that Kaidan stayed home. But he'd been home for an extended leave for a month to clear his head _and_ his lungs from the rancid city air, so one day had bled into another no matter how well Shepard tried to keep count. Then he'd given up entirely and felt pretty good about it.

"So I don't have to wait long to give you your gift," Shepard mused with a teasing smile pulling the corner of his lip up.

Eyebrows raised his surprise, Kaidan said, "you got me a gift? How?"

"I've got connections."

"You didn't have to, Shepard."

"That's what they all say, and when they do, it means I definitely should have."

Kaidan chuckled. "Thank you. I got you something, too."

Shepard rolled over to the couch. "You got me enough already. A whole lifetime of it."

Kaidan reached out and took Shepard's hands, pulling him the rest of the way over so that he could turn his chair to the side and lean over for a long, sweet kiss. "Don't get cheesy on me now, Commander."

His laugh still sounded like more of a cough. "I'm allowed to, Major. It's Christmas."

***

Shepard was glad that his legs were recovering little by little when he and Kaidan were tangled up like this in bed. It wasn't fair that his lover had to do all of the heavy lifting all the time, though with his biotics and some creative maneuvering, he didn't seem to mind so much. The fact that neither one of them had ended up unable to perform was probably a minor miracle in and of itself.

So was the fact that they could move together. Touch each other just how they pleased and were pleasured in return. They'd had to learn some new dance steps, but that was an incredibly small price to pay. They were learning like everything was new again. It was, in many ways. Kaidan's left shoulder didn't rotate fully like it used to, so Shepard had to brace him when they sat up, splaying his fingers over warm skin over taut muscles while he kissed a path over the biotic's neck. The sensations were the same even as Kaidan had to use his full lower body weight to guide Shepard's hips up and enter him, wincing only slightly at the strain when he'd never had to before. Shepard smoothed an apologetic hand over his brow, though Kaidan was smiling and his expression cleared as he began to move.

Shepard hated being breathless more than anything else, except for when Kaidan was doing this to him. Making love more slowly than they'd ever been allowed on the _Normandy_. Partly out of desire to feel every second in every detail, but also partly because they were both too battered to do it any other way. Shepard would probably never be able to tell Kaidan how grateful he was for the man being able to sweep away the nightmares when his breath hitched. Being spaced, or his lungs burning from the blast on the Citadel, or the physical therapy making him feel dizzy and useless. Kaidan thrusting into him and kissing him until he couldn't speak was the one time he didn't care that he couldn't catch his breath. It was so good that he came before he could worry about form or be embarrassed about his lack of stamina. But Kaidan came, too. Hard and with a low growl and small burst of biotics that made Shepard's skin tingle. Perfection.

When their breathing had returned to normal several minutes later, Shepard reached over to his end table and retrieved his gift for Kaidan, planting the small box on the center of his chest.

Kaidan picked up the gift and turned it over in his hands, testing its weight and even giving it a small shake like a child would. "We should exchange gifts out by the tree," he said with his sex-roughened voice.

"If you're expecting me to move until tomorrow after what we just did, you're gonna be in for a huge disappointment," Shepard answered.

Kaidan chuckled. "We can wait until the morning, then."

"Or you can be spoiled like I know you want to be right now and open it."

Carefully and meticulously, Kaidan removed the paper to reveal a cardboard box the size of his palm. He folded the paper carefully and set it aside. That made Shepard grin. Slowly, Kaidan opened the box and stared at the contents with an unreadable expression for a long minute.

"What do you think?" Shepard asked Kaidan casually.

Kaidan picked up the necklace and let the thin chain slip through his fingers until a silver Spectre medallion was dangling in front of his eyes. The crafting wasn't the most spectacular in the world, but Shepard had liked the slightly rough finish to it. Kaidan turned his head towards Shepard. "Why is it so heavy?"

Shepard tapped the medallion and it swung side to side. "Because I had it made out of my armor."

Kaidan's eyes widened. "You did? Why?"

Poking the medallion again, Shepard shrugged. "It's symbolic, really. I'm not too good with words, so I can't explain it well, but ever since I got my N7 rank and the new equipment, it's always felt like a part of me, you know? This inseparable thing that protects me and makes me feel... safe. Comfortable. Just like you do."

There was another long silence where Shepard wasn't completely able to meet Kaidan's eyes, only stare in his general direction. "That's pretty deep coming from you," Kaidan answered softly, his voice carrying a strange tone.

Shepard glanced up, mostly to see what had made him sound like that. Kaidan looked... touched and impressed and very much in love. "I wish I could explain it better," Shepard said gruffly.

"You said it fine," Kaidan assured him, rolling onto his side for a kiss, squeezing the necklace in his fist. "This gift is incredibly thoughtful. I really will treasure it. Thank you so much. I love you, Shepard."

Shepard smiled at the sensation of those words against his lips. "I love you, too. More than anything. Merry Christmas, Kaidan."


End file.
